I Fail to See the Heavens

  after E. D.


I gather stillness in the air,
and fail to see the Heavens.

I buzz. Like a Fly in a room.
I witness the eyes around---

dry my breaths to Hell.



- ksm / 2015

25 comments:

  1. Killer closing line! Much more creative than "last breath," "breathe my last," etc.

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  2. At once delicate and concrete - a real contemplation of life, discomfort and beyond - also thank you for your thoughtful comment

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  3. wow! amazing opening lines and ending!

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  4. This is absolutely stunning! Loved the last line.. such a powerful ending :D

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  5. The consciousness of death. A feeling that could both terrify and placate you.

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  6. A fabulous sense of dimensionless nothing. Inspirational work.

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  7. The first two lines resonated with me Kelvin... so well written.

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  8. I admire the leap from heaven to hell...each line is sharp, specially the ending line ~

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  9. Oh Kelvin, this brings back the comment you left at my poem a few weeks ago, knowing so intensely that buzz takes gives a special meaning,

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  10. To me this poem shows both sadness and torment. How alone one must feel if one cannot see the Heavens, & the fly image is intense & unique - and how painful to have one's breath dried to hell. Rich, but chilling, imagery.

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  11. wow...you've turned the 'heaves' into heaven then buzzed like a fly and ended the poem with hell...a brilliant found poem Kelvin...

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  12. Interesting contrast you set between the two, or the assumed contrast between heaven and hell. Life is a bit of both at times. And sometimes we are stretched between.

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  13. I fail to see heaven, but witness hell...strong lines, I guess the answers are found in between the folds of each. written as only you can my friend..you have a strong voice..

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  14. Your writing, as always, astounds with its power and purity of pitch. The opening two lines are simply brilliant.

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  15. I too love the first two lines. But the ending is superb!

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  16. How hard to imagine, those eyes staring, waiting and the possibility--if heaven is not accessible--of ending in hell.

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  17. I couldn't agree more that those opening lines are so powerful....bam!

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  18. That last line is so uniquely stunning!

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  19. One sometimes react immediately when alone. There appears to be that feeling of getting cornered. Well penned Kelvin!

    Hank

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  20. A very well written response to Dickinson's poem.

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  21. Ah but heaven exists Kevin. Luv how well you crafted after the Emily blueprint
    Thanks for dropping by my Sunday Lime

    Much love...

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  22. All eyes on you can sometimes make you feel suffocated with only one way out. Too sad to think hell is the only way. But often times we must go through hell in order to find heaven. Thanks for sharing, Kelvin. This is a brilliant write :)

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  23. Effectively chosen words....produce the shocking effect....

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  24. Blogging is the new poetry. I find it wonderful and amazing in many ways.

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Thanks for the kind words!

- kelvin s.m.